Reflecting on a First Year: The Importance of Connection

One area that makes international schools unique is the transience of our communities: both student and faculty populations, and it is for this reason that transition programming is a highly visible element of our school program across all divisions. From initial intake interviews by admissions & counselors prior to arrival, to orientation meetings, PTA & other invitations, Parent Engage conversations with administrators, Parent book clubs/workshops and facilitated discussions with counselors, opportunities for community involvement in sports, music and the arts, etc. – our school is a place where the importance of connection is not only recognized but thoughtfully planned for.

But what is it like, really? All this sounds good on paper, but does it happen and, more importantly, does it make a difference?

This is where I would like to offer my own personal experience – yes, I am an elementary school counselor but I am also an elementary school parent to two children, and this past school year, I was also new to my school, new to a city, and new to living in Southeast Asia.

This was not my first international experience – I have been living and working away from my home country for 20 years, in a variety of locations – and yet, as we all know, each move is distinct not only because of the specific place we are going to but more so because our lives are not static, our children are ever-changing and what we each need to feel connected and fulfilled evolves over time. Looking back on these past 10 months of my family’s time here, I am reflective of both the ease with which this has become our home, and the nuance of loss and longing that every transition holds.

Connection comes naturally to this school – from the months prior to our arrival, to each day since, I have felt welcomed, valued and supported. There is literally no shortage of people who want to help newcomer adults find furniture, experience good food, understand traditions, build friendships, etc. and this generosity of spirit is equally extended to children/families. Within days of our arrival, my 9-year old was playing ball sports on the street with future peers, and my 4-year old was meeting future classmates at swimming pools and play structures. In just 10 months, while I’m sure we will continue to finesse our respective friendships, we have all found some people that we genuinely trust and enjoy. Not to mention that this seems to be the kind of place for reunions and secondary connections as well – I have met dozens of people here who have worked with or are close friends with people I’ve worked with or befriended in other life chapters. This school makes the sentiment “it’s a small world” very true!

To be clear, it hasn’t always been easy, nor would this ever be a realistic expectation. There have been moments where we have all (sometimes not simultaneously) yearned for something from our previous home(s), and there have been moments where we have wept in wishing our “people” would just move here already, when we have found ourselves both misunderstanding and misunderstood, and when we have needed to lean on connections in different, sometimes vulnerable, ways.

And yet, as the end of this first year approaches, I am mindful of the confluence of feelings I’m experiencing for myself and for my children:

• I can’t wait for summer vacation reunions and yet I know that they will involve tears upon departure because of this life we have chosen and the impermanence of connection.
• I am so deeply thankful for my colleagues and those friends who have opened their hearts to me and my family and helped us feel like we have a place and we belong here.
• Transitions are hard. Connections matter. These two thoughts are not mutually exclusive. It is because transitions are hard even when they are easy (as they were for me and my family), that make thoughtful transition programming and opportunities to build connections like those created at our schools, evermore important.
• Last night, I was looking at a children’s book in my son’s room, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse, by Charlie Mackesy and this page filled my heart and made me think of this year, of our homes and of the many people in this world with whom connection has mattered and continues to matter for me and/or my family.

I hope that if you were new this year, like me, that this “season” offers you a moment of pause and grace. And for those that might be joining a new school in August, may this thought be a reminder that connection need not be lost, but rather a part of us, both near and far, always changing and growing.