Queering the Way: Coming Out as an LGBTQ+ Counselor

I’d like to highlight that there are many settings and locations in the world that make it difficult if not impossible for LGBTQ+ educators to come out, or to be out. This is a huge barrier for many of us, not having the freedom to be our authentic selves, and places an added pressure upon us to be covert and to remain acutely aware of how we engage with people. I hope that one day we will feel safe and comfortable enough to bring our intersectional selves to our jobs, every day.

To be completely honest, after 15 years as a school counselor, I thought about leaving the profession last year. I felt like I was working endlessly and, at times, fruitlessly, for months on end and asked myself, “Can I sustain this amount of stress and continue to be a school counselor for 10 more years?” The answer to this question was relatively simple. NO if I continued to work and live the way I was, and YES if I took better care of myself.

Some lessons learned along the way:

Leaning into vulnerability

Many of us did not grow up with queer role models in school. One guiding point for me is to recognize that for many students, I might be the only openly gay person they know in school, and this is not a position I take lightly. I have learned how to carefully disclose my identity if I believe it could benefit a student I’m working with, and equally have learned how to evade questions about my personal life if I feel it could negatively alter my relationship with a student. This navigation is complicated, but necessary.

Create safe spaces in and out of the classroom/office

For counselors, this is imperative. For those of us who are able to, creating Gender and Sexuality Alliances (GSAs) are a bright beacon in the storm of high school.

At my last two schools, I’ve been able to increase this type of safe space through confidential support/conversation groups for LGBTQ+ high school students (ours is called Rainbow Connection). We meet weekly, discuss topics relevant to their experiences, explore identities, and connect over queer pop culture. I am able to be more candid with this group of students, and find it helps enrich my counselor/student relationship with them as a result.

Visibility Creates Validity

Regardless of the challenges with navigating my identity as a queer counselor, we know that having visible LGBTQ adults helps foster a sense of possibility for younger LGBTQ folks. As 1 of 2 openly queer women at my school, I see how important this role can be, and will continue to navigate this landscape as an openly queer adult that I so badly needed when I was younger.